When Perfect is a Problem: 18 Signs That You Might Be a Perfectionist

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by extremely high standards and harsh self-criticism. While there is no official test for perfectionism, you might be a perfectionist if you fixate on flaws and mistakes so much that it interferes with work, home, or personal life.

Striving for perfection is often seen as a positive attribute. Motivational posters tell us to “shoot for the stars” and advertisers promise a perfect home, appearance, and life.

The popularity of social media, in particular, has generated what some social scientists call “digital perfectionism” [1]. In a world of carefully curated and photoshopped images, it is easy to develop unrealistic expectations and criticize ourselves when we don’t measure up.

While there is nothing wrong with aiming high, striving for perfection is often a fast track to misery. Perfectionism is associated with a wide range of mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and burnout. But before we discuss the dangers of perfectionism, let’s take a look at what perfectionism is and is not.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is not a psychological disorder or diagnosis, but a personality trait defined by excessively high personal standards, a preoccupation with perceived flaws or mistakes, and a self-worth dependent on achievement. Like other traits, perfectionism falls on a spectrum, with some people being less perfectionistic, and some more.

You might think that “perfectionist” is just a fancy word for high achiever, but there are key differences between the two. Most importantly, being a high achiever is adaptive, while being a perfectionist is not. Perfectionists accomplish less than high achievers, have lower self-esteem, and reduced life satisfaction. Here are some other differences between high achievers and perfectionists.

The perfectionist vs. the high-achiever

The perfectionist	The high-achiever
strives for perfection in all things.	focuses on attaining excellence in one or two areas.
is likely to see missing one goal as a total failure across the board.	is satisfied with reaching some of their goals.
is motivated by fear.	is motivated by a desire to succeed.
sets unrealistic standards.	sets realistic goals.
focuses on other people’s flaws and mistakes.	is supportive of others and celebrates their successes.

Now that you understand what differentiates perfectionists from high achievers, let’s look at some perfectionism pitfalls.

What’s the problem with perfect?

The problem with perfect is that more often than not, it is unattainable. As the saying goes, “To err is human.” Mistakes are inevitable, and everyone has flaws. When we set perfection as the goal, we doom ourselves to a lifetime of feeling inadequate. Here are some other risks associated with perfectionism:

Anxiety: Perfectionism is driven by fear— fear of mediocrity, fear of judgment, and fear of failure, to name a few. Thus, it’s no surprise that perfectionism is associated with higher rates of anxiety [2].

Depression: Perfectionists can be consumed with negative thoughts, guilt, and shame, all of which are symptoms of depression. A recent study found that people with perfectionistic personality traits reported higher rates of depression and social isolation [3].

Burnout: Perfectionism is associated with a higher risk of burnout. A recent study found that employees who perceived themselves to be falling short of high personal standards experienced more exhaustion, apathy, cognitive impairment, and psychological distress [4].

Poor performance: You might think that striving for perfection would help you perform better, but research suggests the opposite. A 2022 study of undergraduate students found perfectionist traits were associated with poorer academic performance, as measured by GPA [5].

Now let’s look at some signs and symptoms of perfectionism.

Signs You May Be a Perfectionist

Recognizing the signs of perfectionism is an important first step in understanding how it affects your life. You might feel like holding yourself to a high standard is a virtue, but as discussed in the previous section, perfectionism carries a variety of negative consequences. Here are some signs that you may be a perfectionist:

You think in black and white

All-or-nothing thinking is a cognitive bias that commonly appears in perfectionists. Rather than viewing a situation or individual as nuanced and context-based, you may make a blanket judgment. Failing a single exam means you are a total failure. A friend having a bad day is a terrible, untrustworthy person. Magnifying the importance of these minor flaws is a way to protect yourself against criticism or failure [6].

Black-and-white thinking can also make it difficult for you to achieve your goals. A minor setback can cause you to overlook all your progress. You may scrap your weight loss goals after missing one workout session. This same thought process can also contribute to procrastination. Unless you know you can accomplish a task flawlessly, why bother to do it at all?

Negative feedback makes you defensive

When the only two outcomes are perfection or failure, negative feedback can feel like a threat. As a result, you may get defensive, blaming others or the circumstances for your mistakes. Ultimately, you may decide the task is not worth doing if you can’t do it perfectly.

You are extremely self-critical

You have a highly critical inner voice that constantly judges and evaluates you. “How could you mess that up?” “What is the matter with you?” “It’s no wonder everyone thinks you are a loser.” Not surprisingly, this constant self-criticism can exacerbate your feelings of inadequacy.

You can’t accept a compliment

In the same way that perfectionism can cause you to amplify your flaws, it can also lead you to minimize your strengths. In many ways, this perfectionist trait mirrors the psychological phenomenon of imposter syndrome.

No matter how many external indicators of success you achieve, you still question your talents or ability. If you believe your achievements are the result of luck or chance, taking compliments to heart will not be easy. Since perfectionism can also cause a negative bias, your mistakes stand out far more than your successes. You might instinctively counter any positive feedback with self-criticism. 

You stay in your comfort zone

One-way perfectionists limit their exposure to failure is by maintaining strict routines. Some people may even avoid eating new foods or learning a new skill. You might talk yourself out of pursuing a lifelong dream because of fear and uncertainty. You may also notice that you are always waiting for the “right time” to start a project.

Although perfectionists tend to make lofty goals, many also find leaving their comfort zone very stressful. This can cause a lot of cognitive tension and stress.

Perfectionism can have a paralyzing effect that makes it difficult to make decisions. The fear of trying and failing may be so great that it can prevent you from taking action, no matter how small.

Your mood and self-worth hinge on perceived success

A perceived sleight from a friend ruins your entire day. You feel anxious for weeks because of a minor mistake at work. You interpret any failure as evidence that you are a failure.

You feel depressed

All this pressure to achieve without the security of social support is a toxic combination for mental health. Perfectionism is highly correlated with depression and anxiety [7]. Researchers believe this is due to maladaptive coping strategies. Negative cognitive biases and rumination are common causes of depression [8].

For example, you may react to a setback by being extremely self-critical or replaying the scenario over and over in your mind. This can cause an unhealthy feedback loop of anger, shame, and self-judgment.

Depression is more than just being sad. You may notice changes in your eating habits and sleeping patterns. Many people also become irritable, lethargic, and socially withdrawn.

You ruminate on mistakes or fixate on perceived flaws

Minor flaws feel like major failures. You have difficulty letting go of past mistakes, replaying these situations, and analyzing what you could have done differently. Perhaps you can’t leave the house until you feel your appearance is “perfect.” This rumination intensifies your sense of never being good enough.

You devote excessive time to review your work

Perfection takes time and a lot of do-overs. Because of this, you may spend an excessive number of hours trying to complete something perfectly or reviewing it to make sure that it doesn’t contain any errors. For example, you may re-write a sentence multiple times, never feeling satisfied with the result. This can cause you to miss deadlines or neglect responsibilities like family or self-care.

You procrastinate

You avoid starting a task for fear of not meeting the unrealistic standards you set for yourself. This can lead to putting things off until the last minute or never starting them in the first place. You might subconsciously procrastinate as a way of “self-handicapping,” so that if your performance falls short of perfection, you can blame it on the fact that you were rushed and not your inherent abilities.

You fear criticism

Few people enjoy being criticized. Still, if you avoid feedback, it may be because of perfectionism. If you expect nothing less than perfection from yourself, it’s easy to believe others feel the same towards you. Criticism, no matter how well-intentioned, can feel like judgment. Avoiding criticism can make it difficult to take accountability and improve.

You tend to be critical of others

Interestingly, perfectionism sometimes manifests as an extreme criticism of others. This is because you hold others to the same impossible standards as you have for yourself.

Being judgmental is also a type of projection. You protect yourself against criticism from others by criticizing them first. This critical focus causes stress and can put a strain on your relationships.

The things we dislike most in others are the characteristics we like least in ourselves.~ Marian Keyes

You have to tie up loose ends

Perfectionism can make it difficult to prioritize. You may fill your day completing non-urgent and unimportant tasks, simply because you do not want to leave them incomplete.

For example, going through your email multiple times a day to maintain inbox zero or cleaning every inch of your home before starting your workday.

This tendency can also cause you to constantly tweak a project. This can cause significant delays and make it impossible to move a project forward.

You have a hard time focusing in a messy environment

A cluttered or disorganized workspace triggers feeling of anxiety and overwhelm, making it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand. As a result, you may spend a lot of time trying to perfect your surroundings before sitting down to complete your work.

You have a hard time making decisions

You overthink your choices, weighing every possible outcome and considering all potential risks. This can lead to “analysis paralysis,” in which the fear of making the wrong decision makes it impossible to move forward, leading to delays and missed opportunities.

You don’t ask others for help

The fear of criticism or being seen as incompetent prevents many perfectionists from asking for support. You may have a hard time delegating tasks to your coworkers or family members.

If you must hand over your duties to someone else, you might micromanage them. Perfectionists tend to get lost in details and can become nitpicky. You may completely redo someone else’s work because it wasn’t up to your standards.

Trouble asking for help is not limited to work or household chores. Many perfectionists are also reluctant to turn to others when they are in need. This is partially because of the harsh worldview many perfectionists hold.

A 2008 study found that people with perfectionist traits were more likely to assume their therapist was unempathetic and judgmental. It’s difficult to be vulnerable if you always feel like people are holding your flaws against you.

You dislike waste and find it hard to “cut losses”

You find it difficult to acknowledge when something is not working. You feel like the time and resources you have invested are wasted if you don’t achieve the desired outcome. This makes it challenging to recognize when something is no longer feasible or when it’s time to move on.

You find it difficult to take a break or relax

You experience guilt or anxiety when you try to take a break, as you feel there is always more you could be doing. Even when you try to relax, you may find yourself thinking about your responsibilities or fixating on some imperfection in your environment. Over time, this can lead to exhaustion and burnout.

You probably don’t think you are a perfectionist

Perhaps the most surprising trait most perfectionists have is that they don’t label themselves that way. Since perfectionists blame themselves for not reaching their goals, they do not recognize that the standards they have set are unobtainable.

Perfectionism also doesn’t appear equally in all areas of a person’s life. You may hold perfectionistic standards for your relationships, but not your work life. This can make perfectionistic tendencies less obvious.

Finding help for perfectionism

If you’ve noticed one or more of the above traits in yourself or someone you know, you may be dealing with perfectionism. Fortunately, you can readjust your worldview and lead a happier, more fulfilling life. Journaling, mindfulness, or talk therapy can help you identify the roots of your perfectionism and learn healthier cognitive behavioral strategies.

Sources: Lindsay Schwartz, a psychotherapist turned mental health writer.